I wish I could walk around with my dick inside of you all of the time.
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Two coworkers in bed after a VERY happy hour:
He: “Hey, that file you sent me today had a virus.”
She: “Just be happy that’s the only kind of virus I gave you.”
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“Your brother has no technique.”
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When you’re really drunk and I’m sober, you kind of annoy me. But when you’re really drunk, you talk dirty, which I like.
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What do you mean you weren’t wearing a condom?!?
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“Where’s your favorite place to be kissed?” I asked.
“My dick,” he said.
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Him: Sometimes I wish I was bi, because I feel like I’m missing out on so much.
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