He said, “So should I stop at the gas station before I see you?”
She said, “Why?”
He said, “Condoms, alcohol, weed.”

Courtesy of: I didn’t know you bought weed at Exxon

“You’ve been watching too much ‘Kung Fu Panda.’”

As soon as he came, he said, “Now why dont you put your boots on and shake your ass home…”

“This is the most exercise I’ve gotten in a long time, other than walking up and down the stairs and to class,” he said.